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Hail To The Porcelain Throne

The Build Up

Image of a commodeCan I be frank with you for one moment? The subject matter in this post, though a necessary fact of life, is gonna be a bit challenging as I get squeamish just thinking about it.

Many who know me well have a difficult time believing I even had kids because of my many quirks and phobias. In moments of deep reflection even I wonder how I could have spawned youngsters – but it’s all water under the bridge.

I remember when my oldest son came home with what I thought was chicken pox. Being extra cautious I tied a bandana around my face and donned yellow playtex rubber gloves to do a thorough examination. Upon said examination, there were literally about 5 bumps maybe, I had an important decision to make. Never one to let the grass grow under my feet I packed him up and rushed him to the emergency room for a definitive diagnosis.

Here’s a handy tip: if you ever find yourself in a crowded emergency room simply walk up to the intake window and write on the “reason for your visit notepad” the following words: chicken pox. Let me just say you will not have to wait long before you find yourself ushered into an exam room and subsequently be seen by a doctor. This was my first and never to be repeated ER visit that went so smooth and quickly.

So what does my little chicken pox escapade have to do with the topic of today’s post? Nothing really I just wanted you to gain a little insight into the mind of someone with germophobia.

Skip, Skip, Skip To My Loo

Like the air we breathe, water we drink, food we eat, it’s necessary to our survival but if you have Coprophobia (please don’t make me give the definition simply click the link for additional info) just thinking about it makes my skin crawl.

So it seems like it was poetic justice that when my middle son was in daycare he acquired Giardiasis. I’ll never forget it when the daycare called me to come pick him up and I had to meet with a nurse from the Health Department for “special instructions.”

Giardiasis is a highly contagious, intestinal disorder characterized by abdominal discomfort and prolonged, intermittent diarrhea. Needless to say this meant my son could not attend daycare while he was being treated for Giardia.

What I wasn’t prepared for were the “special instructions” which required stool samples from each of my three sons and myself – EEK! I was so beside myself with anxiety, heart palpitations, dizziness, shortness of breath – full-out panic attacks. The worst part was my friends and family thought this was hilarious (not that my son was sick but the collection process). I was not amused.

I think I may have even cried when the nurse was explaining to me what I needed to do to ensure the entire family was free and clear of this issue. I tried to tell her that I had issues changing diapers and now she was asking me to collect samples – seriously?? To make matters worse this entire ordeal lasted about a month or so and I don’t even think anyone else in my household had Giardia. The only saving grace was that my middle and youngest sons were still in diapers so that meant my collection methods had to be creative for me and my oldest son.

Proper BM Posture

When I first heard about the Squatty Potty I thought it was a joke. So in trying to keep an open mind I go to the website to check it out and one of the first things I learned was that Squatty Potty was featured on Shark Tank (you can view the clip HERE).

So what is Squatty Potty? It’s a toilet stool that’s placed around and under the toilet bowl that when you place your feet on top it promotes a proper squatting position when eliminating solid waste.

Honestly I’ve never given serious or even trivial thought to posture when going to the bathroom and while I do not have a Squatty Potty the information under the Get Educated section on the website sounds convincing. Since living in North America has afforded me the luxury of modern plumbing I never once considered that the human body was designed specifically for eliminating in a squat position.

Did you know that 63 million people in the US are constipated? Well I didn’t and the costs for medications associated with this dilemma are astronomical.

Here’s another thing I didn’t know: Apparently when we sit on a commode there is a kink on our large intestines which not only leads to back up but also lends itself to straining that can lead to bleeding, hemorrhoids and other issues associated with constipation. However when we squat this kink is relaxed allowing solid waste to easily pass through without straining.

In addition to the reasons why Squatty Potty is an ideal solution to our bathroom routine there are medical case studies, FAQs and additional products such as Porta-Squatty and the ReFresh-it bidet which sounds intriguing.

While Squatty Potty won’t rid me of my Coprophobia (it took me many months and plenty of gloves to get used to doing the scooping of the poo for my dog). But really I find nothing more irritating than dog poo left by the poor pooch’s owner. Uh Oh maybe someone could invent a squatty pooch potty? Just sayin’

“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.” ~Rita Rudner