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Sportin’ Spanx & A Little Black Dress On Election Day?

Sportin' Spanx Featured Image Description is in the body of the post

Sportin’ Spanx & A Little Black Dress On Election Day?

Yesterday: Fixed hair and makeup. Saw no one. Today: Looked like Jack Nicholson from The Shining. Saw all the people I know. ALL. OF. THEM!đŸ™„đŸ€Ł

~Unknown
Sportin' Spanx #2 selfie is described in the body of the post.
#1 Selfie

Can anyone else relate to the above quote? It’s amazing what a few decades can do to change your perspective. I used to go NOWHERE without my face on. Well, that’s not totally true. One time I went to my mom’s when I wasn’t feeling well. She took one look at me and said: “you should never leave home without your makeup on.” I was not amused.

To give you a little perspective on this mother/daughter exchange my mother ALWAYS puts on her face. Even now at 80 years of age, disabled, and a wheelchair user she still puts on her makeup. It’s the darndest thing that I’ll never understand because honestly, I just don’t have the strength. 

My appearance on most days makes Jack Nicholson’s The Shining character look like the sexiest man on the planet in comparison. And you know what? I really don’t give a gosh darn because my dog still loves me as I am. 

When The Spanx Fit…

Sportin' Spanx #2 image description is in the body of the post.
#2 Candid Shot

However, every great now and again I feel like I want to look fabulous. Election Day was such a day for me. I weighed myself, lost another pound, and was able to put on my Spanx!!!

Wearing Spanx might not seem like a big deal but for me, this was huge because I’ve gained weight. Case in point, earlier in the year, I wasn’t even able to get this garment past my knees.

So anyway, the magic of Spanx allowed me to squeeze my behind in my LBD (little black dress). This particular LBD is a sleeveless sheath dress that I haven’t worn in years. If that weren’t enough, I was able to get into my black tights. Uh, oh, I was on a roll!

Next, I donned my olive booties, with a beige lightweight jacket and topped it off with a fringed olive scarf. A quick word on the scarf, it’s older than dirt and one of my favorite pieces. The design on it is sort of a paisley pattern with sequins and intricate threading interspersed throughout. 

I threw on my pixie cut wig, put on my face, earrings, a bracelet and was ready to hit the polls. 

A Chauffeur, Polls & “I Voted”

My son and I got to the polls and wow I’ve never seen a line like the one on Tuesday. Everyone we encountered was so nice and accommodating to a lil‘ ole blind lady with her fancy white cane.

After I voted I asked the woman who assisted me if she had an “I voted” sticker. I was devastated when she said, “unfortunately we don’t have any here.” All I could think was, I did my civic duty and now I’m leaving here emptyhanded. Seriously?? Thankfully, she went on to say, “but I heard someone say the library down the road has them.” 

So I asked my son aka chauffeur, to take me to the library. Inside I go to the librarian and told her the word on the street is they have “I voted” stickers. She smiled and said, “we have buttons you can make.” Well, I was delighted, that is until my college graduate son couldn’t follow the picture directions đŸ˜Ź ugh millennials! Thank heavens a sweet older woman helped save the day. After a little chaos ensued (my son still had issues with the button maker) I finally had my shiny new button.

Sportin’ Spanx & A Little Black Dress Featured Image:

My son took this photo of me outside my condo standing with my green and yellow “white cane.” Actually, the cane is white except for the green handle and the last segment nearest the rolling ball which is yellow. There are a ton of bright yellow/orange Autumn leaves all around me. I’m wearing the black dress, beige lightweight coat, olive paisley print oblong scarf around my neck and my “I Voted” button pinned to the scarf.

  1. A selfie I took outside on my balcony is a close up on my patriotic stars & stripes button. 
  2. Another standing pose that’s actually a candid shot. It was very windy when we were taking the pictures and I was trying to get my scarf to play nice.
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The Red Barrel Bag, Shoes, And A Stink Bug

Close up photo of me holding the red barrel bag by the handles in my right hand while letting the adjustable strap hang. My white cane is in my left hand.

Crushing On A Red Barrel Bag

I’ve wanted a barrel bag for the longest time but after an extensive search I’d all but given up hopes of finding one. That is until the day I received a sign.

Actually, if I were being totally honest it was more like the stars, planets, and galaxies even, aligned. Angels were signing and everything went black except for this ray of light on the prettiest bag I’ve ever seen.

The late TV pitchman of all times, Billy Mays, confirmed my buying decision with a whispered “but wait, there’s more.” The original $200 price tag was slashed to a bargain-stealing cost of $30. Geez, was I gullible or what?

A Birthday Celebration

Two weeks after I ordered (in the voice of Gollum) “my precious,” it arrived and just in time for a birthday celebration with my cousin. When she picked me up because, you know, I can’t drive, I mean, I can drive, but I can’t see, well you catch my drift. Anyways she was like “WOW look at you” as she took in my bag and color-coordinated shoes.

“I love your bag,” my cousin says as I hopped in the vehicle. I tell her it’s made by brand X (code for I never heard of it). Going forward whenever anyone asks who X is my response will be “you don’t know who X is?” Why everyone’s wearing X. To sell it, even more, I’d throw in a Kardashian or two.

Blowing The Lid Off The Instagram Life

Standing profile pose with white cane.

Okay, so here’s the thing, you know those picture-perfect photographs of all the beautiful people on social media? Well, let tell you the pictures in this post are NOT as they appear.

For starters, I felt like a stuffed sausage in my Spanx. Even though I know I was born in heels, because my mother never lets me forget how much pain she was in when she had me, (I’d remember the pain too if I had a baby who came out in heels) but I digress. My feet hurt which was odd because typically the chunkier the heel, the more comfortable the shoe, but these are going in the giveaway pile.

If being uncomfortable weren’t enough, I have to take at least a gazillion pictures just for the money shot. Even then, the money shot really isn’t a money shot at all because I’m not being paid for this gig. This photo shoot was extraordinary because of a loud buzzing noise and what looked like a flying monster insect. I screamed, knocked over the tripod, phone, and tripped as I ran, then eerie silence.

While it’s against my nature to use my investigative skills to seek out the cause of unexplained noise I looked high and low. Then, I saw it—a stink bug had landed on my wall. I felt a bit relieved when I realized the cause of my panic but was still creeped out by the disgusting bug.

Standing pose rear view

Where was I? Oh, yeah, in today’s pictures I was very uncomfortable and I don’t give a hoot about the whole “beauty is pain” thing I’m too old for that nonsense. The photos are simply my attempt to put my best foot forward and to inspire styling ideas. It’s taken me a lifetime to become comfortable being not perfect and it feels good.

Barrel Bag Outfit Description:

  • Black midi dress with black hose
  • Cuffed chambray shirt tied at the waist
  • Red chunky heels with ankle straps
  • Accessories: red barrel handbag, silver bracelet, thumb ring, drop earrings

Have a very nice weekend everyone!