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The Red Barrel Bag, Shoes, And A Stink Bug

Close up photo of me holding the red barrel bag by the handles in my right hand while letting the adjustable strap hang. My white cane is in my left hand.

Crushing On A Red Barrel Bag

I’ve wanted a barrel bag for the longest time but after an extensive search I’d all but given up hopes of finding one. That is until the day I received a sign.

Actually, if I were being totally honest it was more like the stars, planets, and galaxies even, aligned. Angels were signing and everything went black except for this ray of light on the prettiest bag I’ve ever seen.

The late TV pitchman of all times, Billy Mays, confirmed my buying decision with a whispered “but wait, there’s more.” The original $200 price tag was slashed to a bargain-stealing cost of $30. Geez, was I gullible or what?

A Birthday Celebration

Two weeks after I ordered (in the voice of Gollum) “my precious,” it arrived and just in time for a birthday celebration with my cousin. When she picked me up because, you know, I can’t drive, I mean, I can drive, but I can’t see, well you catch my drift. Anyways she was like “WOW look at you” as she took in my bag and color-coordinated shoes.

“I love your bag,” my cousin says as I hopped in the vehicle. I tell her it’s made by brand X (code for I never heard of it). Going forward whenever anyone asks who X is my response will be “you don’t know who X is?” Why everyone’s wearing X. To sell it, even more, I’d throw in a Kardashian or two.

Blowing The Lid Off The Instagram Life

Standing profile pose with white cane.

Okay, so here’s the thing, you know those picture-perfect photographs of all the beautiful people on social media? Well, let tell you the pictures in this post are NOT as they appear.

For starters, I felt like a stuffed sausage in my Spanx. Even though I know I was born in heels, because my mother never lets me forget how much pain she was in when she had me, (I’d remember the pain too if I had a baby who came out in heels) but I digress. My feet hurt which was odd because typically the chunkier the heel, the more comfortable the shoe, but these are going in the giveaway pile.

If being uncomfortable weren’t enough, I have to take at least a gazillion pictures just for the money shot. Even then, the money shot really isn’t a money shot at all because I’m not being paid for this gig. This photo shoot was extraordinary because of a loud buzzing noise and what looked like a flying monster insect. I screamed, knocked over the tripod, phone, and tripped as I ran, then eerie silence.

While it’s against my nature to use my investigative skills to seek out the cause of unexplained noise I looked high and low. Then, I saw it—a stink bug had landed on my wall. I felt a bit relieved when I realized the cause of my panic but was still creeped out by the disgusting bug.

Standing pose rear view

Where was I? Oh, yeah, in today’s pictures I was very uncomfortable and I don’t give a hoot about the whole “beauty is pain” thing I’m too old for that nonsense. The photos are simply my attempt to put my best foot forward and to inspire styling ideas. It’s taken me a lifetime to become comfortable being not perfect and it feels good.

Barrel Bag Outfit Description:

  • Black midi dress with black hose
  • Cuffed chambray shirt tied at the waist
  • Red chunky heels with ankle straps
  • Accessories: red barrel handbag, silver bracelet, thumb ring, drop earrings

Have a very nice weekend everyone!