2019 New Year Fresh Outlook
Happy New Year Everyone!
I hope you all were able to come out on the other side of the holidays unscathed. For a moment I didn’t think I’d make it through my mini mental breakdown. Don’t get me wrong, while I look forward to Christmas, at the same time I can’t wait for it to be over. The last couple of weeks were so awful I gave up any pretenses at appearing happy. Since I was practically in a vegetative state from binge-watching Netflix I toyed with the idea of becoming a professional procrastinator.
While it is not my intent to bring anyone down I wanted to share my experience and end on a positive note:
- Depression lies and tempts me into believing I’m worthless, my life doesn’t matter, and possibilities die.
- Fuzzy thinking clouds clarity, I lose focus and magnify unimportant elements in my life.
- Guilt as a by-product of my depression would have me think I MUST be… (fill in the blank).
- Anxiety causes me to be in a constant state of high alert and triggers panic attacks.
- Comparisons, as well as unrealistic expectations, are fruitless efforts and thieves of joy.
- Self-preservation is key and during these moments I must have solitude.
- Listening to my body by disconnecting, resting, and being brutally honest is healing. This recent episode actually called for an impromptu hiatus away from all social media, my computer and cell phone.
- Time really isn’t the enemy and I took all the time I needed to regroup and restore a fresh outlook.
- Change, like time, I cannot control and it’s the one thing in life that is and will remain constant. I will continue to adapt and move onward.
- It’s okay to not have all the answers, I’m only human.
Being Human Can Suck Sometimes
We humans are such complex creatures aren’t we? At times I look at Mollie, my dog, and kinda envy her because she only requires love, food, and water. She doesn’t have to get a job, care for an aging parent, grandchild, or worry about what to post on her website. Oh wait, she doesn’t have a website cause she’s a dog, DUH!
As a proud INTJ, I admit at many times I’ve lived to work. When I’m attached to a computer my life is full. Combine my love for work with my passion for advocacy, and the two can become a lethal combination. To some degree, the increased urgency brought about by getting older and moving closer to my expiration date causes more anxiety. Even though I realize I have no control over my life expectancy I’d like to leave my imprint on the world.
I constantly worry that I can’t keep up with the changing times but I’m dedicated to giving my all to the task. One of the my areas of focus in 2018 was simplicity and somehow it slipped from my grasp. The great thing about fresh starts is just that; I can begin anew.
Will my depression and anxiety go away? Probably not, I’ve lived with this all my life. I have periods where I lose direction and feel lost but I’ll continue to hopefully come out on the other side more enlightened.
2019 New Year Fresh Outlook Featured Image Description:
A green street sign that says “Time for change.” In the background is an outdoor clock.
Additional Image:
Stones, Balance and Harmony is a photo of three stones balanced atop one another with a skeleton key on top.