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2019 New Year Fresh Outlook

2019 New Year Fresh Outlook Featured Image Description is in the body of the post.

2019 New Year Fresh Outlook

Happy New Year Everyone!

I hope you all were able to come out on the other side of the holidays unscathed. For a moment I didn’t think I’d make it through my mini mental breakdown. Don’t get me wrong, while I look forward to Christmas, at the same time I can’t wait for it to be over. The last couple of weeks were so awful I gave up any pretenses at appearing happy. Since I was practically in a vegetative state from binge-watching Netflix I toyed with the idea of becoming a professional procrastinator.

2019 New Year Fresh Outlook image description is in the body of the post.
Stones, Balance, Harmony

While it is not my intent to bring anyone down I wanted to share my experience and end on a positive note:

  1. Depression lies and tempts me into believing I’m worthless, my life doesn’t matter, and possibilities die.
  2. Fuzzy thinking clouds clarity, I lose focus and magnify unimportant elements in my life.
  3. Guilt as a by-product of my depression would have me think I MUST be… (fill in the blank).
  4. Anxiety causes me to be in a constant state of high alert and triggers panic attacks.
  5. Comparisons, as well as unrealistic expectations, are fruitless efforts and thieves of joy.
  6. Self-preservation is key and during these moments I must have solitude.
  7. Listening to my body by disconnecting, resting, and being brutally honest is healing. This recent episode actually called for an impromptu hiatus away from all social media, my computer and cell phone.
  8. Time really isn’t the enemy and I took all the time I needed to regroup and restore a fresh outlook.
  9. Change, like time, I cannot control and it’s the one thing in life that is and will remain constant. I will continue to adapt and move onward.
  10. It’s okay to not have all the answers, I’m only human.

Being Human Can Suck Sometimes

We humans are such complex creatures aren’t we? At times I look at Mollie, my dog, and kinda envy her because she only requires love, food, and water. She doesn’t have to get a job, care for an aging parent, grandchild, or worry about what to post on her website. Oh wait, she doesn’t have a website cause she’s a dog, DUH!

As a proud INTJ, I admit at many times I’ve lived to work. When I’m attached to a computer my life is full. Combine my love for work with my passion for advocacy, and the two can become a lethal combination. To some degree, the increased urgency brought about by getting older and moving closer to my expiration date causes more anxiety. Even though I realize I have no control over my life expectancy I’d like to leave my imprint on the world.

I constantly worry that I can’t keep up with the changing times but I’m dedicated to giving my all to the task. One of the my areas of focus in 2018 was simplicity and somehow it slipped from my grasp. The great thing about fresh starts is just that; I can begin anew.

Will my depression and anxiety go away? Probably not, I’ve lived with this all my life. I have periods where I lose direction and feel lost but I’ll continue to hopefully come out on the other side more enlightened.

2019 New Year Fresh Outlook Featured Image Description:

A green street sign that says “Time for change.” In the background is an outdoor clock.

Additional Image:

Stones, Balance and Harmony is a photo of three stones balanced atop one another with a skeleton key on top.

14 thoughts on “2019 New Year Fresh Outlook”

  1. I think I may have mentioned that Pittsburgh can be sort of dreary year-round. We do get sunlight however I’ve heard that we don’t get as much as other major cities in the country. I’ve never tried one of the lamps but might be willing to give it a go after this last bout of depression. Oh my goodness the whole PMS thing had me laughing (not at you but at myself when I used to go through it). Thank heavens that part of my life has passed however there’s always something else lurking around the corner ready to set up shop. Right now it’s memory issues and such but as long as I’m drawing breath I’m pretty content.

  2. never found one of those lights i like.
    at least living in Texas the winters aren’t as bad as living in Ireland, UK or Scandinavia (and where are we planning to move in a few years? Scotland or north from there… land of 4 months of darkness, and summers without melatonin if relying on what’s sort of legal there. ain’t gonna work). ireland wasn’t fun in winter though – come home from work in the dark, run to work in the dark.
    i go with blueblockers that have a huge yellow tint on my moodfix glasses. can’t find where i have the nicer color shades now… i should just wear those indoors all the time in winter. blocking out the blue seems to help with my circadian issues. adding a strong blue light anywhere,, not so much.
    the sun is already strong outside, in january. add in the light sensitivity… bright sun hurts, and so do bright indoor lights. i’m already the dick that wears their shades indoors most of the time.
    i know stronger bad mood causes for me than dark season (or bright light). such as: no sensory downtime (need darkness, quiet and alone time to calibrate senses), being forced to be around people too much (see previous point), lack of fresh air and moving, and two huge ones: PMS and wheat or glutens. those even fortify each other. shitty mood? first figure if it’s one of those. constipated or diarrea and a huge pimple on the face? wheat. it’ll take 2-3 weeks of non-exposure to clear. bloated, pains all over the body, painful boobs and a desire to chop off some useless organs from the midsection? pms, also gone in 2-3 weeks (because i certainly include the worst part of the loop in it. not going to be happy until i could wear white pants again if i had some)…

  3. Thank you Tikeetha. Anxiety is the worst and for most of my life I was only treated for depression. Even though my medication now treats both anxiety and depression it doesn’t really calm me down. It can be so exhausting. Overall 2018 wasn’t a bad one for me but I’m going to work again towards making my life simpler.

  4. Happy New Year Stephanae and I truly understand. I suffer from anxiety so many small things can seem overwhelming and sometimes it is hard to push through. I pray your 2019 finds you pushing through and living and laughing more than in 2018.

  5. i’ve always been super sleepy in winter. and funny, it still hits me every year, it seems like it’s just getting darker every winter, the darkness arriving always earlier…

  6. Oh Khaya, I’m so sorry to hear about your loved one being in “that” place, and it is indeed scary. I like your resolve for this year and think many of us could benefit from similar goals.

  7. Hi Anna, thank you for stopping by reading and commenting. Hugs back at you. Being down over the holidays isn’t anything new for me however the amount of time it took to feel well seemed to last forever. I also have to wonder if as we age there’s something underlying going on that makes us a little more susceptible to depression. Cheers to radically new!!

  8. Hi Steph, I hear you loud! One of my loved ones is at this point, right now as we speak…”Depression lies and tempts me into believing I’m worthless, my life doesn’t matter, and possibilities die.”, and it both breaks my heart and scares me.

    The pressure to keep up with our changing world is a source of many ills. This anxiety robs us of living our lives with joy and gratitude. Add the aging factor, and the desire to leave one’s imprint on the world, does weigh heavily on me too. But I’ve resolved to simplify my life this year; do things on my own terms and celebrate small victories; that’s my mission for 2019.

    Thank you for sharing your experience, my friend. It helps us not feel like we are alone, and that we are loved and we are enough. Wishing you a joyous year ahead. <3

  9. Refreshingg when people admit life isn’t always just sunshine. (Hug)
    I’ve been also lazy and binge watching and listening to stuff. Less running and putdoors air, and mlre indoors time and rainy days – i can definitely notice that in mood. poopy, grumpy, and lazy and fat. time to tackle those.
    also in mood for something new. radically new. don’t know what, other than a new haircolor maybe in march (growing out old color just in case).

  10. You make some very positive points, especially about understanding and listening to our bodies. This year it seemed that Christmas overwhelmed Thanksgiving. I love Thanksgiving, and the entire “holiday season” manifested itself as stress. (Having some health issues didn’t help.) You are not alone. Thank you for sharing and your positive message. I, for one, needed it.

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