Crushing On A Bag
I can’t remember how long it’s been since I’ve wanted a barrel bag but during my extensive search I’d all but given up hopes of finding one. That is until the day I received a sign.
Actually if I were being totally honest it was more like the stars, planets, and galaxies even, aligned. Angels were signing and everything went black except for this ray of light on the prettiest bag I’ve ever seen.
The late TV pitchman of all times, Billy Mays, confirmed my buying decision with a whispered “but wait, there’s more.” The original $200 price tag was slashed to a bargain-stealing cost of $30.
A Birthday Celebration
Two weeks after I ordered (in the voice of Gollum) “my precious,” it arrived in all its glory and just in time for dinner with my cousin on her birthday. When she picked me up because, you know, I can’t drive, I mean, I can drive, but I can’t see, well you catch my drift. Anyways she was like “WOW look at you” as she took in my bag and color-coordinated shoes.
“I love your bag” my cousin says as I hopped in the vehicle. I tell her it’s made by brand X (code for I never heard of it) but my plan going forward whenever anyone would ask who X was my response would be “you don’t know who X is?” Why everyone’s wearing X. To sell it even more I’d throw in a Kardashian or two.
Blowing The Lid Off The Instagram Life
After a superb dinner, when I got home I setup my tripod and phone to take some pictures. This next part is gonna be a tad racy so if there are any small children or animals running about you may want to corral them into a safe area.
Okay, so here’s the thing, you know those picture-perfect photographs you see of all the beautiful people on social media? Well I can’t speak for everyone but let tell you the pictures in this post are NOT as they appear.
For starters, I felt like a stuffed sausage in my spanx but they were necessary due to my overindulgence in way too many sweets this summer. Even though I know I was born in heels, because my mother never lets me forget how much pain she was in when she had me, (I’d remember the pain too if I had a baby who came out in heels) but I digress. The shoes were killing my feet which was odd because typically the chunkier the heel, the more comfortable the shoe, but these are going in the give away pile.
If being uncomfortable weren’t enough, I have to take at least a gazillion pictures just for the money shot (which really isn’t a money shot at all because I’m not being paid for this gig). What made this photo shoot extraordinary was a loud buzzing noise followed by what looked like a flying monster insect. I screamed, knocked over the tripod, phone, and tripped as I ran, then eerie silence.
While it’s against my nature to use my investigative skills I looked high and low then saw it—a stink bug had landed on my wall. I felt a bit relieved when I realized the cause of my panic but was still creeped out by the disgusting bug.
Where was I? Oh, yeah, in today’s pictures I was very uncomfortable and I don’t give a hoot about the whole “beauty is pain” thing I’m too old for that nonsense. The photos are simply my attempt to put my best foot forward and to inspire styling ideas. It’s taken me a lifetime to become comfortable being not perfect and it feels good.
- Black midi dress with black hose
- Cuffed chambray shirt tied at the waist
- Red chunky heels with ankle straps
- Accessories: red barrel handbag, silver bracelet, thumb ring, drop earrings
Have a very nice weekend everyone and if you’re in Hurricane Matthew’s path please be safe!