Confidence & Labels
So this morning I was all excited because of an inspiration for today’s post. You know the kind, where you have to capture all your thoughts before they dissipate in the abyss of forgetfulness?
Well, so anyway I had it all lined up (my thoughts that is), I turned on my portable heater, grabbed a cup of coffee, fired up my laptop/monitor, opened WordPress and with fingers poised on the keyboard, nothing, absolutely nothing came to me. How could this be on a day like today? This post was gonna go viral, I just knew it and now it’s gone.
I was gonna write about projection and:
- How we see ourselves
- How others see us
- How we want to be seen by others
I was gonna write about how as a child I just didn’t fit in and how I longed to be like everyone else. Even my name, pronounced Stef-a-nay, was different and I hated it.
I was gonna write about how in my desperation to fit in, I laughed with other classmates at students who took what we referred to as “the short bus” to a special school, but in reality I died a little inside because I knew my behavior was wrong.
I was gonna write about how insecure I felt at not being able to dress or pay for school lunches like my classmates.
I was gonna write about how coming from a dysfunctional family teaches you the value of secrets and putting on a mask to face the outside world because you can’t let people know how pathetic your home life really is.
I was gonna write about how, though there were some lines I would not cross, the ones I did cross inevitably fostered self-loathing because the things I was doing were contrary to my true character.
Know, first, who you are, and then adorn yourself accordingly. ~Epictetus
I was gonna write about how the acceptance of others is sometimes a price too high to pay with very little return on investment.
I was gonna write about how having children of my own gave me the strength to fight. To fight for them, to fight for my integrity, to fight for myself. To become me.
I was gonna write about how, as adults, just because someone projects their expectations on to you, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs, let them deal with it.
I was gonna write about how the definition of the word label “
I was gonna write about how as a 55-year-old African-American woman who happens to have lost her sight, there are things, by society’s viewpoint, I was not supposed to achieve.
I was gonna write about when I finally came to grips with who I am, aside from my faith, I was no longer going to let anything, anyone, or any circumstance define me.
Like everything else in our lives, confidence ebbs and flows and it’s one of those things that requires constant maintenance. Depending on the situation, some days you may feel more confident than others but even on those days when confidence seems to be lacking it’s not fatal. Take some time if you need to, pick yourself up, dust yourself off and then when you feel the moment is right, carry on.
This post was a little different for me as is the outfit I’m wearing in the attached photos. I’ve made no secret of the fact that black is my favorite color, or shall I say non color, but in today’s pictures I’m wearing a light-colored ensemble. Following is the complete description:
- Winter white dress pants (old)
- H&M light gold lamé long-sleeve tunic top (comes to about mid-thigh) with a light-colored tank underneath. A nice detail is the slit at the wrist of the sleeves.
- H&M Cream colored long loopy sweater vest – the vest is longer than the tunic and as soon as I saw it I knew it would work with the tunic and the pants. The actual loops are more like individual tassels covering the entire front of the vest.
- Navy heeled ankle boots – three and a quarter-inch chunky heels with a silver zipper on the front of the boot.
- Jewelry – chain drop earrings with rhinestone ends, pendant fringe necklace with several rhinestones immediately above the fringe, cut-out pavé open bangle.