Posted on

When You Pause, The Music Is Still There

The Unglamorous Life

This is just a quick note to let you know that yet again, I’ve recently been experiencing a decrease in the remainder of my vision. I debated whether or not to share this update here on the blog and finally decided to do so.

I’m scared, and over the course of the past week or so I have been almost paralyzed with fear because I wasn’t totally sure that what’s occurring is real or just my anxiety taking hold. My first indication that something was wrong was when I began having difficulty with selecting pictures for the blog to the point where I had to ask for help.

It sort of feels like everything is dimmer as there is definitely a lack of clarity. The feeling of the loss of control also puts me on edge.

Seeing the apps on my phone gradually fading along with the text on my 32 inch monitor (and yes it’s also magnified) is a little unnerving. Then I begin thinking things like “what if this is it, what if I totally lose my sight? How will I adapt to more vision loss? How will I continue my work?”

I don’t know the answers to all of the questions circling around in my head and all I can do at this point is pause. I’ll be seeing my ophthalmologist tomorrow and I’m hoping that whatever is going on can be resolved.

Yes, I’m scared but whatever happens by tomorrow I will once again be able to hit “Play.” I will update you as soon as I know what’s going on. ~Steph

35 thoughts on “When You Pause, The Music Is Still There

    1. The news is very good, thank heavens. I’ll be having laser surgery on Nov. 3. Thanks you for coming by, I’m hoping to get caught up in visiting other blogs over the course of the next few days.

      1. That’s wonderful. You have such a positive attitude. I need you to lay hands on me!

      2. Thank you, believe me I have my days. I think sharing has made it much easier to be positive. Just writing about and posting for the world to see provided the outlet I didn’t even know I needed to shed some of my fear allowing me to be more positive.

  1. I’m very sorry to hear about your situation. I hope the visit with the ophthalmologist went well and was a reassuring experience in the end. 🙂

    1. Thank you so much!! Everyone has been so supportive it makes me wish that I started blogging years ago 😉 I’m waiting for my son to take me to the doctor’s now so I’ll have an answer soon. Thanks again ~Steph

      1. Very best of luck! It sounds like you have many, many people rooting for you.

      2. Yes indeed!! Thank you so much for commenting. 🙂

  2. Hi Steph.

    Oh my word I can’t possibly imagine what you must be going through. Here I am obsessing over a mostly tiny lil scratch on my knee.
    If you had seen me the other day I was running around screaming don’t take my leg off (but I was only over reacting no-one wanted to take off my leg, only remove the band-aid on my knee, it had suddenly decided it was part of my skin, and would not leave lol,)
    I fell, while out jogging and scrapped my knee, that’s how I came to have the band-aid.
    Moral of the story anxiety tends to make things a lil bit worse than they should be. It came off eventually, the band-aid not the leg hahaha has anyone invented bandages that do not need to be taken off yet?

    Wait, you have a 32 inch monitor?? that’s as big as my TV lol

    Got my fingers crossed anyhoo what ever happens, you got this ❤
    *press play*

    …..the music stops but everyone keeps on dancing ^_^ till another melody starts

    ~B

    1. Hey B. What are we going to do with you? I was laughing out loud to myself (it’s still early in the morning here) when I read the first part of your comment because honestly I could so relate. I don’t think I mentioned that I’m a drama queen in the areas of bandaids. And I agree anxiety can make things seemingly worse than they are in reality. Thanks for the giggles.
      Yeah, hahaha the 32 inch monitor actually is a TV. My son gave it to me. When he told me about wanting to give it to me I told him I rarely watch the one in my living room and really didn’t need a second one and it was then he said that I could use it as a computer monitor. I was a little skeptical because the biggest one I’ve had since this one was 24 inches. But it’s really helpful. Without it I honestly don’t think I’d be able to view most of the text that I can see on the internet (it’s just so darn light and each letter is broken up). One would think I’d be so over this but even I never really considered that my eyesight would get to this point. Although it reinforces the point on the range of vision loss.
      Thank you B. for your very kind words and encouragement. Oh, and B. be careful of injuries requiring bandaids. 😉

      1. You are very welcome Steph.

      2. hey Steph
        I have a new pink scar on my knee decided to blog about it ^_^ and this is where the idea for the post first cropped up.
        WE FALL WE GET right back UP AGAIN

        and yey let it play, let the music play ^_^
        Of a tale of scars http://wp.me/p3NqTj-4S

      3. I just read it B. and I’ll be waiting here for that autograph =D it was an excellent story.

  3. Sister, I will say a very special prayer for you. But regardless of the outcome. You are a fighter. Stay strong.

  4. Steph, I’ve been meaning to reach out to you after the last time you mentioned this here, but have been offline a lot. I lost my reading vision in my better eye between high school graduation and the beginning of my freshman year of college, and I have had instances of these ratcheting-downs of vision on a number of occasions throughout the years. Usually, it’s gradual, but sometimes it is abrupt, and it is scary. If you need me, email me. I know the visual is so very important in your field. Sending my prayers and love. Whatever happens, you can get through this. It isn’t easy or fun, but take advantage of the people and services that can ease the burden. Love you, girl. DonnaEnter your comment here…

    1. Thank you Donna, I know you can definitely relate and hearing this from you means so much to me. You are so right that it isn’t easy. I’m so grateful for the honesty and I know that you’re correct in that I can get through this because you’ve been there. I love you too and I’ll be reaching out.

  5. I am especially glad you shared this episode you’re going through. I will also keep you in my prayers. Hopefully, the Doctor will be able to clean you lens. Good luck tomorrow.

    Sherri Rodgers

    1. Thank you for your prayers Sherri. Yeah, it’s silly trying to keep this secret and if I hope to reach other people going through a similar situation I have to come clean and let them know we can get through it.

  6. I read this post to my husband, too. He said that he really understands. We are praying. <3

    1. Awe, thank you Theresa, I don’t know if you saw my other message but I was asking about your husband.

      1. He is about the same. He is still running into things some but doing pretty well for the most part.

  7. I am glad you shared with us! I am so sorry I am sure this would produce anxiety! I am praying for you and always here for you!! I You are a strong, talented person with so much to share! Your story has already touched us deeply! Thank you for sharing although I am sure it is so difficult! We are all here standing right next to you! Love, Lynn

    1. Thank you Lynz, this means so much!! I was nervous about sharing because I don’t want to scare others who are possibly going through the same thing but I don’t think it’s right to pretend there isn’t apprehension. When I began going through this 10 years ago I felt isolated but just like you’ve stated here and just based on other comments I’m not alone and this is comforting and means the world to me..

      1. I am glad you shared! I hope you know you always have a friend in me, you can email, chat and share I will listen!

      2. Thank you so much Lynz!!

  8. You are in my prayers. I had a friend whose relative went through what sounds like a similar situation in the past. Having just had cataract surgery myself at a relatively young age I am amazed at what they are accomplishing in eye care right now. I am sure you will get to the bottom of what is happening and why. All the best!

    1. Thank you for your prayers Bruce, it means a lot. Cataract surgery is almost magical isn’t it? And the technological advances they are making in the vision spectrum as a whole is amazing. Sorry to hear about your friend are they doing well now?

      1. Yes they are. In good hands and doing quite nicely!

      2. That’s so good to hear. Thx Bruce

  9. No words seem appropriate right now, all I can do is to wish you love, strength and hope. Thank you for sharing Steph. Take care!

    1. Thank you Khaya, I’ve been thinking a lot about hope lately and it’s awesome power.

  10. Thanks for sharing so authentically. I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m a very metaphysical gal, and my experience and belief is that soon, as part of the transformation we are going through, rejuvenation will be available to any who desire this, along with many new healing technologies. So I trust that you will be able to have your sight fully restored. I know this doesn’t help you in this NOW moment but I do believe this will happen quite soon.

    1. Thank you Katelon for your kind and encouraging words.

Comments Are Always Welcome